Hero

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.  ~Author Unknown

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AMIN :)

Ask me anything

What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

SLR and more thing u,u

Ask me anything

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Ask me anything

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Calvin Coolidge

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

I like marriage. The idea.
Toni Morrison

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra

Funny Quotes

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
Marilyn vos Savant

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
Warren Buffett

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
David Letterman

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Imelda Marcos

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Samuel Goldwyn

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg